10 Life Changing Lessons I Learned in My Twenties.

My 30th birthday has finally arrived and to be honest I’m filled with different emotions.

On one hand I’m excited to be celebrating another birthday, another year to learn, grow as a woman and mother. On the other hand I’m feeling anxious, nervous and uneasy. I’m 30 and I’m not where I imagined I would be in life as a 30 year old woman. I always felt like I would have things more together by 30, as if 30 was the deadline to have your life together. As I talk to my friends, family and even strangers on social media, I’m discovering these feelings are common and I’m not alone.

If you would have told me five months ago I would be celebrating my 30th birthday quarantined at home due to a pandemic, instead of on an island I would have laughed at you. Yet, here I am sitting on my couch, reflecting on my twenties as I await midnight's arrival. 

My twenties were amazing, they were a rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows and life lessons I will live by for years to come. I became a mother, graduated college, relocated my family from Memphis to the D.C area on short notice, started my blog, experienced love and heartbreak, and took some dream vacations. I ate Belgium waffles at 3am in Grand Place in Brussels, nearly killed myself in Dubai riding sand dunes in the desert, swam with dolphins in the Bahamas with my son, spent countless nights in Vegas partying like it was my 21st birthday and had a romantic candlelight dinner on a cliff overlooking the ocean in Jamaica. I traveled as much as possible making sure to enjoy every minute of every vacation because tomorrow isn’t promised. My twenties were fun, I went through some much needed phases, learned to love myself and found out who exactly Mel Pillard is.

Ten years ago, I wish I had someone to sit me down and tell me some of the things they learned in their twenties that could have saved me time, heartbreak and the hassle of dealing with things I experienced as a twenty something woman. Not all of my experiences were horrible, but somethings I wish I could have learned through others instead of through first hand experience. So hopefully, there is some young woman reading this who can learn through me instead of learning as I did. Below are the top 10 things I learned in my twenties.  

1. Know yourself, know your worth.

Learn who you truly are or you will accept anything. Knowing your worth will eliminate you accepting less than you deserve from employers, relationships and friendships. Get to know yourself, your core values, your body and your dreams. 

2. Get a therapist. 

You are not crazy if you need to see a therapist, you are self aware. Find a therapist who you are comfortable with and be consistent with your visits even when things seem to be going well. Most importantly, be honest with them.

3. A relationship will not make you happy.

You need to be happy outside of love because when it’s over your happiness is gone. Hello depression, hello pointless relationships that have no value. Been there, done that!

4. It's not just social media. 

Be mindful of the things you do and the things you post. The things you think won't matter eventually might. The energy you put out on social media is a reflection of who you are. In today's environment, your social media presence is most people's first impression of you. Make your first impression a memorable one. 

5. Don't let work become the most important thing to you. 

Take time off when needed, take mental health days when needed. Work should not come before family nor yourself. These companies will always put their business/goals before you, learn to find a place that contributes to the company’s goals and your personal development.

6. Red flags exist, do not ignore them. 

Take off your rose colored glasses and do not ignore the red flags. Not always seeing things for what I want then to be but what they truly are could have saved me so much time and effort. This doesn't only apply to romantic relationships but everything in life. I was recently laid off and while looking for a new job, the interviewer told me it was a red flag that I had a blog outside of work because they didn't want it to get in the way of me being able to focus on my job. Needless to say, this was not an opportunity I was interested in pursing further.

7. Your "hoe-phase" is necessary.

You need this phase. This phase is not only about sex and promiscuity, it's about what you make it. I do think it is necessary for women to go through at some point, hopefully sooner than later. You become more intune with your body, you learn more about your preferences, you get to date different types of men with no strings attached to learn what works best for you. This period of my life taught me more than any other period of my twenties. Always be safe but enjoy this phase. 

8. Take care of yourself. 

As we get older, our metabolism slows down, the weight doesn't stay off as easily as before and we become more prone to health issues. Take care of your body, you only get one and it's easier to prevent health issues than fix them. A healthier lifestyle leads to a longer life expectancy. 

9. Relationships will end, accept it. 

Every man is not your future husband. If you're a hopeless romantic like me, then you have already planned your life with someone before the second date ends. I love love, I love the phases of dating and the potential of what each relationship has. Unfortunately, we can't always take potential to the next level. Learn to let relationships end as needed. 

10.  You're going to feel lost. 

This feeling is common. I know people who appear to have it all together to outsiders but still feel as if they haven't tapped into their potential- me being one of those people. Set goals to accomplish at your own pace, just always be working towards something that contributes to your goals and desires. 

As I reflect, I'm happy for what my twenties taught me. They taught me to be unapologetically me, to stand for something and to not compromise on who I am. I hope my thirties are filled with more- more stability, more money, more genuine love and more vacations! 

Life truly begins at 30!