Finding a Therapist: Searching For A Needle in a Haystack

 When is the last time someone asked you “how are you?” and you told the truth? The last time for me was last week, when I had a session with my new therapist and boy I laid it on her. 

In my last post, that you can read here, I opened up about my struggle with anxiety and depression. Since that post I’ve had a number of people reach out to me to show their support as well as share their experiences with anxiety and depression and ask me how I went about finding a therapist. At that time, I wasn’t much help because I had been seeing my same therapist for over 2 years and we instantly connected and I felt comfortable with her. She recently changed practices and it’s a six month wait to speak with her, so I decided to finally search for a black woman therapist and this has this been quiet the experience. 

My previous therapist was a Hispanic woman, I loved her. She listened, gave me feedback and let me vent but somethings I didn’t think she could relate to or fully understand my insight because she was not a black woman. So, one of my goals for 2021 was to find a black female therapist and I did just that. 

Let me start off by saying, I was truly discouraged by the process and I can see why people don’t go to therapy. It’s hard as hell to find one. The process is overwhelming if you don't know where to start. God must knew I was at my breaking point when I sought therapy in 2018 and matched me with my therapist. If I had to deal with what I had to recently, I probably would have given up on therapy in 2018 and would be sitting here- years later surpassing pain from my double miscarriages. 

Phone call after phone call searching for a black female therapist who took my insurance or EAP benefits and was accepting new clients was like searching for a needle in a haystack. I called over 25+ practices while becoming more discouraged with each call ending in “no, we aren’t accepting new patient but we can put you on the waiting list.” With the impact of covid and every day life many of the therapist I reached out to had no availability as they were booked for months.

 I thought I found that needle, when I reached a therapist who had availability, accepted my EAP benefits and had availability 72 hours but during our first session she only asked me a few assessment questions (which I answered during my onboarding) and told me we would have two more sessions before actually started to talk about the reasons I was seeking a new therapist. In the midst of a brewing emotional breakdown, I knew I could not wait nearly a month to let these emotions out. So my quest continued until I found a black female therapist, which I now have. 

While the process to finding a therapist you mesh well with is overwhelming, it doesn't have tome. If you’re looking to start therapy and don’t know where to start here are some tips and resources that made my journey a bit easier.

1.          Determine what issues you would like to discuss in therapy.

This will allow you to shorten the list and get closer to finding someone who can help you. Some therapist have specialties they assist with such as PTSD, mood management, addiction and so much more. For me, it was important to work with someone that specializes in trauma, domestic violence, relationship issues and women issues.

2.          Determine the gender & race of the therapist you would like to work with. For me, it was important to have an African American female therapist because I felt like we could better connect, and she could understand me better than a middle-aged Caucasian man who doesn’t know some of the issues black women are faced with. This may not matter to others, but I know the issues I want address and I felt a black woman would be best at helping me with this. 

3.          Determine how you’re going to pay for therapy. Insurance, EAP benefits, or out of pocket are the primary options. Many therapists accept insurance as a form of payment, be sure to confirm if the provider is in network and what amount your insurance company will pay. A number of larger employers also offer EAP (employee assistance plans) benefits. These plans will sometimes cover confidential counseling for you and your immediate family amount other benefits. My former employer’s EAP covered 3 sessions, while my current employer covers 12 sessions. Please be sure to inquire with your employer because this could end us saving you quite a bit in the long run. If you’re paying out of pocket, as the therapist if they offer a sliding scale or payment options. Therapy is not cheap, but it is rewarding so it’s been worth every cent spent for me. 

 So now that you know what issues you want to discuss, who you want to work with and what form of payment you’re going to use, now what? Now you find a therapist! There are a variety of sites that will help you with your search. Below are the two that made my experience a little less hectic. 

 Therapyforblackgirls.com is a godsend and created specifically with black women in mind. This site has a variety of resources to help with your journey such as finding a therapist based on your address or virtual providers, a podcast and a community you can join with other black women.  

Psychologytoday.com is another site geared toward helping you find a therapist. This site is not centered around black women specifically, but it does allow you to search for therapist by ethnicity served, faith-based therapist and more. 

Now that I have shared my tips to finding a therapist, I truly hope that others are able to do so as well. Therapy has helped me on my journal to self-rediscovery and helped me to embrace parts of me I was afraid to embrace. 

You are not broken; you are breaking through. - Alex Myles