This Reality Check Was Right On Time.

Sometimes we all need a reality check and that’s exactly what I got this weekend during my trip back home to Memphis. It was a weekend full of clarity, tears and much needed love and laughs.
This trip to Memphis couldn’t have come at a better time. I have been having the toughest year of my life. Anyone else ready for 2018 to be over? 2018 has been kicking my butt majorly. I’m no longer friends with two former best friends, I had the worst break up of my life, two miscarriages & someone very close to my heart tried to commit suicide twice. On top of all of this chaos I still have to work and be a mom. All of this has happened within the last 6 months. When I say I NEEDED this time home around some real love and my roots I mean it.

Being around my family and real love brought me a deeper appreciation for the city that raised me. One thing for sure, no matter how far away I move Memphis, TN will always have a special place in my heart. Normally, I only come home once per year to see my family, friends, eat at my favorite restaurants and allow my son to hang with his younger cousins. It’s always a quick trip and usually on the second day I’m looking forward to getting back to the fast pace east coast. This weekend was much different & I wish I planned to stay longer. 

Nisha & I

Friday, I spent time with my two friends, Nisha & Brittany. We are all different but mesh so well. Brittany is the more outgoing friend, the life of the party & says what everyone is thinking but afraid to say. Nisha is the baby of the group, she’s down to earth, funny, down for whatever/whenever and won’t ask any questions. I’m the friend who knows all the moves, the more serious one & the one most likely to tell you I’m ready to go home 20 minutes after being out. We all bring something different to our friendship. We all haven’t hung out together in years due to us living in different states, conflicting schedules and life’s ups and downs. We went out like old times and picked up where we left off. It was like 2013 all over again. In that moment I felt like I was 23 all over again and life was just starting for me.

Saturday, was day two and the most emotional day of the trip. This is when I got my reality check. I went back to my roots, my child hood home, my first job & spent time with my family. I grew up in a neighborhood where the average household income is $17,000. We had a two bedroom brick house with a double yard in North Memphis. Growing up, I was one of the very few kids in my neighborhood that grew up in a stable two parent household, my mom worked at a dry cleaners and my step dad worked in home remodeling.



Child Hood Home

Visiting my child hood home filled me with so many emotions. The neighborhood is filled with blight as the older generation that once cared for the neighborhood is no longer around most houses are now run down, need yard work and abandoned. I was overcome with joy seeing this house. It brought back so many memories like the nights I snuck out the house, the days my little brother & I played outside until sun down with our dog Queen & the many disagreements my mom & I had because I was a teen who thought they had life figured out. 

It also reminded me that I should stop being so hard on myself, I’ve done well for myself so far and I’ve overcome a lot of things. I'm the first college graduate in my immediate family, I have a well paying job and I support other members of my family. I love bringing Ethan back to my neighborhood and showing him where I came from. I’m my biggest critic- I’m never satisfied & I rarely acknowledge my accomplishments...I never take time to appreciate how far I have come. I’m really the rose that grew from concrete and I should appreciate my journey more. It’s made me who I am and has molded me into the woman I am becoming.



Sweden Kream

 My parents were hardworking, they provided us with the things we needed. The material things my brother and I wanted we had to do chores or work to get. I remember one year I had three jobs because I wanted new Jordan’s each week and clothes. If I wanted it, I worked to get it which is why one day after my 16th birthday I started my first job. I worked as a cashier at Sweden Kream, a staple in Mitchell Heights. Each time I come home I stop here for one of the best cheese burgers I have ever had - a 1/4 pound of fresh Angus beef on a toasted bun with everything on it and extra mayo that drips down your chin as you devour it. I follow the burger up with crinkle cut fries with honey hot wing sauce drizzled on them.  Honestly it's an explosion of flavor in your mouth; I’ve never had a burger as tasty as this before.  Sweden Kream will always hold a place in my heart. It’s a hole in the wall spot surrounded by abandoned homes, businesses, and poverty but has a 95 health department score. This is where I learned about hard work, team work and the value of money. I’m forever thankful for this being my first job, I learned more life lessons while working here than any other place I have worked.

The next stop of my day was a wedding and the original reason for my trip back to Memphis. My cousin married his gf in a very emotional ceremony at the Litchermen Nature Museum. The bride's vows left many people teary eyed and left me questioning what is it that I truly want in a man for myself and my son. I’m single but I’m in a weird space in my love life. As I mentioned earlier, I just went through a very nasty break up so a relationship is the last thing on my mind now. I’m dating and keeping my options open being sure not to move too fast but not waste anyone’s time. I want a man who is going to choose me & Ethan every day for the rest of his life regardless of the fights we had the day before.



My uncle & great aunt



My night ended at my great aunt's house in Mississippi with my cousins, uncles and aunt. It’s the house where you go for a good time; we have cookouts, the annual family 4th of July dodgeball game and on Saturday night it becomes karaoke night in what my aunt calls her she-shed. There’s a white pedestal fan that acts as the microphone as we sing some of the best oldies, drinks are flowing and memories always being created. Luckily for me, it was Saturday night and I was in need of my family time. My soul got what it needed; I got life advice from the men in my family that will change my outlook on life, my attitude, behaviors and the men I choose to entertain.


This weekend my heart was filled with joy, I cried tears of happiness, sadness and also smiled bigger than I have in years. I’m leaving Memphis with a clearer mind but so many unanswered questions. Maybe it’s time to move back to Memphis? Who do I want? What is it that I really want in a man? What’s next for myself & Ethan? What’s truly going to make me happy and not just content? The questions are endless and I’ll be forced to answer them over the next few months. Life is happening and I don’t want to be the one left feeling empty inside because I didn’t take time to do some self-reflecting. My reality check came at the perfect time as I’m looking to discover what my purpose is and who I truly am.