Breaking The Cycle

Meet Ethan, my heart beat in human form. He's a jokester, very witty and intelligent. He keeps me on my toes, he completes me and he inspires me. Best of all, he's all mine.

I frequently receive messages on social media from people commending me on our relationship. From the outside looking in, we look like we have it all figured out. No one knows what it took to get here. Every day has been a struggle as I try to align my career with my passions and provide my son with all the attention, love and care he needs while staying sane (relatively speaking LOL). Each day presents its own challenges and adventures, no two days are the same. Just when I think I have this parenting thing mastered life throws me a curve ball and I feel like I’m back at square one.

Bringing Ethan into a one parent household, I felt like I had already failed him. I felt as if the odds were already stacked against us to succeed and have what society considers to be a “normal” life. As I have met other single moms I have discovered this feeling is normal, you feel like you let your kid(s) down before they even really had a chance. Although this feeling is common, it’s attitude and perspective and doesn’t have to be reality.

People automatically assume being a single parent means the other parent is absent AND you get no financial support. Financial support relieves the financial burden but child support isn't going to attend doctor appointments, attend school functions or discipline a misbehaving child. There's much more to parenting than being a cash cow. For me, parenting is long nights, early mornings, being a friend, disciplinary, doctor, therapist and so much more. As a mother and a single mother, you wear so many hats that money can’t replace.

The never-ending assistance from my support system has helped me become the mother I am today, especially the support of my mom. My mom set the standard for the type of mother I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to be a good mom, I knew I would make mistakes and I knew I would never be perfect. I wanted to lead by example and show Ethan what unconditional love is. 

I strongly believe the relationship a man has with his mother reflects how he will treat the other women in his life. I knew I didn't want my son to cause the future women in his life the agony I have experienced. So, how do I break the cycle? 

I shower my son with unconditional love daily. He is aware that I am his parent but I'm also his friend. We have open and honest conversations about everything you can imagine. Now that he is older our talks are getting deeper but still age appropriate. We even talk about why his dad and I didn't work out. It's a tough conversation, it arises frequently and each time I struggle to find the answers. Without painting his father in a bad light, I am honest.  I never want him to have negative feelings towards his father. As a matter of fact, I don't have negative feelings towards his father. We both work exceptionally hard to provide for him and ensure Ethan is well taken care of. Our relationships with him are different, each one needing some improvement in some way.

What is my advice to women in similar situations? Focus on yourself and your kid(s). Focus on being a better you and that energy will transfer into being a better mother. Just because you are a single mom doesn't mean you have to let it define you. You are so much more than that! You are a daughter, sister, friend AND mother. You are strong, you are loved and you will succeed.  

 "Don't be afraid, for I am without. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious hand. "- Isiah 41:10