Oh Boy!

 

 

It was December 2009, I was home from college for Christmas break. I was a sophomore at Arkansas State University and starting a family was the last thing on my mind but here I was standing on the family planning isle in Walgreens. I stood there dazed like a deer in headlights.

My gut feeling lead me there to purchase a pregnancy test, my body felt weird. It’s a tough feeling to describe but I knew something was going on with my body. I was sleeping 11 hour per day and eating hot Cheetos and Kit Kats. So I purchased eight pregnancy tests in a variety of digital and early results and headed home.

 

I took one test and it was positive! In a panic, I took three more and each test revealed the same result, positive. I was certain each test was defective, while waiting for the results of the fifth test I began to pray. I prayed to God what I like to call the “sinner’s prayer.” You know the one, “if you get me out of this situation I’ll never do it again” prayer...knowing you’ll still do it eventually prayer. After the fifth positive result, I accepted that each test wasn’t defective and I was actually pregnant.

 

Now what do I do? How do I tell the father? How do I tell my mom? How can I support a kid? As I lay on the floor crying, I was filled with so many emotions. Little did I know my life was really just beginning.

If you know me, you know I am pro-choice. I believe a woman should have the right to make any decisions regarding her body. I remember, standing in my parent’s driveway, tears pooling in my eyes, waiting for my mom to get home from work. Before she steps one foot out of the car, she looked at me and said “are you pregnant?” All I could do was cry as I mumbled” don’t worry, I have it all figured out. I’m going to get an abortion.” She looked at me with a blank stare and told me that’s the last thing she would allow me to do.

 

I was a 19 year old college student with no job. His father was well off, but I wasn’t. I was still trying to figure out my life and I was BROKE. I attended college out of state and lived off allowance my parents sent me each week. I did not want to share my Rue 21 clothes money on a kid.

 

When I told his father I was pregnant, he responded as expected. I knew from that moment on I was going to be a single mom. We had a causal relationship full of low expectations and no real commitment, which I was fine with. I knew my kid would be well taken care of but I would be on this journey alone. Was I truly ready for that? Was I ready to throw my freedom away and care for someone other than myself? The answer was no, I wasn’t but I was about to get ready and that’s exactly what I did. I consider myself a realist, so I had to face reality.

 

Two weeks after learning I was expecting, I dropped out of college and started working at Home Depot as a cashier making $8.55 per hour, I went into survival mode. I am a living testament that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option. My life was changing and it was time that I adjusted. I worked full time up until 2 hours before I went into labor. I refused to miss work if I didn’t have to, even for a high risk pregnancy. I clocked out of work and drove myself to the hospital, two hours later I was being induced three weeks before my due date.

 

My pregnancy was high risk, I had toxemia which led to me gaining 30lbs in three weeks. My doctor ignored all signs of my high blood pressure, weight gain and swelling. So needless to say while I was emotionally drained because I was going through this alone, I was also miserable and uncomfortable.

 

My labor lasted for 24+ hours and due to our heart rate dropping I had to have a C-section. Ethan was premature but still weighed nearly 8lbs, he was healthy and that’s all that mattered. Every day of my pregnancy was worth it, the highs, very lows, millions of emotions and food cravings were all worth it. I became the mother of a beautiful baby boy whom I knew I would love unconditionally.

 

Welcome to this world Ethan Cole Thabeet! God knew I needed Ethan more than he needed me.